Becoming a father: finding your place as the second parent 🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒

When we talk about the arrival of a child, attention naturally focuses on pregnancy, childbirth, and the person carrying the baby. Yet another journey is unfolding in parallel: that of the father or co-parent. A path that is sometimes more discreet, less visible, but just as full of questions, emotions, and transformation.

Because becoming a parent is not only about welcoming a child. It also means gradually finding your place within a new family and daily dynamic, learning to support without always sharing the same experiences, and discovering your own way of being a parent.

Between family heritage, shifts in society, and everyday realities, the role of fatherhood in particular has evolved significantly across generations. So for Father’s Day, the Tajinebanane team wanted to explore how future dads and co-parents experience this role — one that already begins taking shape long before birth.
Devenir père : trouver sa place en tant que deuxième parent 🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒

The father’s place: a story in constant evolution 📖

The way we understand fatherhood today is relatively recent. For a long time, and in many Western societies, fathers mainly held a role of authority and financial provider. They were seen as the ones responsible for ensuring the household’s financial stability, while daily care, time spent with children, and education were more often placed on mothers’ shoulders.

Of course, this view has never been universal, and every family has always functioned in its own way. But it is true that social expectations around fathers have evolved significantly over the past few decades (and we’re not complaining!).

Today, the father figure is more associated with presence, involvement, and shared responsibilities. From pregnancy onwards, fathers more naturally attend medical appointments, take part in early care, and play a more active role in their children’s daily lives. This shift also reflects a broader transformation in the family unit: a father’s role is no longer defined only by what he provides, but also by the bond he builds with his child.

A pregnancy that you don’t experience in your own body 🤰

One of the particularities of the journey into fatherhood is that it unfolds in a far less tangible way. While the expectant mother gradually experiences the physical changes of pregnancy, the father may sometimes feel like he is moving through something more abstract—and this difference is completely natural.

For several months, there are no physical sensations of the baby’s movements within his own body, nor daily physical changes to constantly remind him of the arrival ahead. Some expectant fathers even describe a sense of disconnect: they know they are going to become parents, but sometimes struggle to fully grasp what that actually means in concrete terms.

However, this does not mean they are any less involved or attached to their future child—the bond simply develops through different paths. For some fathers, the experience becomes more real during ultrasounds or when they feel the baby’s first kick. For others, it is while preparing the nursery, choosing a name, or imagining early family moments that reality starts to take shape. Each future father therefore moves through this transition at his own pace.

Other ways to be present 🤝

If pregnancy is physically carried by one person, it nevertheless concerns the whole couple and the future family. The second parent also plays an essential role—not by going through the same experiences, but by being a supportive and present partner.

This can take the form of many small everyday actions: attending medical appointments whenever possible, taking an interest in how the pregnancy is progressing, helping with preparations, or simply being present to listen to the emotions and concerns that may arise.

In short, presence is not only measured through big decisions or milestone moments; it is also built through the simplest gestures: stepping in when exhaustion sets in, offering reassurance after a difficult day, or sharing thoughts and worries about the arrival of the baby.

There is no single “right” way to be present. What matters most is staying engaged in this shared journey, even when certain experiences naturally fall outside of what one can live firsthand.

Becoming a parent even before birth 👶

Contrary to common assumptions, the birth of a baby is not the starting point of parenthood. Rather, it is a major milestone among many others, as numerous changes have already begun long before the child arrives.

Future fathers, like all parents, start reflecting on their own family models, questioning the kind of upbringing they want to pass on, and sometimes re-evaluating their relationship with their own childhood. This period can become a space for exploration and self-reflection:

What kind of parent do I want to be?
What do I want to pass on—or, on the contrary, do differently?
How will I find my place in this new family life?

All of these reflections fully contribute to the construction of a parental identity. They show, in particular, that becoming a father is as much a psychological and emotional process as it is a family event.

It is also important to remember that there is no single model of parenthood. While some fathers feel immediately at ease in their new role, others need more time to find their footing. Some express their emotions easily, while others experience them more privately. Once again, there is no right or wrong path—fatherhood is built day by day, through shared moments, discoveries, and the ongoing adjustments that family life requires.
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A role that goes beyond traditional family structures

While Father’s Day is an opportunity to celebrate father figures, it is also a reminder that every family writes its own story. Today, some children grow up with a mother and a father, others with two fathers, two mothers, a single parent, a stepparent, or within co-parenting arrangements… In fact, some schools even choose to celebrate “the people we love” rather than Father’s Day or Mother’s Day.

At the end of the day, what matters most for a child is not only the role as defined on a family tree, but the quality of the relationship built from the very beginning. Being present, supporting, listening, reassuring, sharing… These are all gestures that give meaning to this place as a parent, whatever name it may carry.

A final note 🫶

The journey to becoming a co-parent is often less visible than the one to becoming a mother, but it is no less essential. While the father or second parent does not experience pregnancy in their own body, they nevertheless go through it in their own way, with their own emotions, questions, and transformations.

Across generations, the role of fathers has evolved significantly. Today, it is more closely associated with presence, support, and the building of a bond. A presence that is not about living the same experience as the other parent, but about fully taking part in this new family adventure.

Because becoming a parent is not a role you receive overnight—it is a journey that is built gradually, long before birth, and then throughout a child’s life. 💛

@tajinebanane

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