THE FATHER’S ROLE DURING BREASTFEEDING

This article was written in the context of Father’s Day in France. While we refer to dads in a heterosexual couple throughout, everything shared here applies just as much to co-parents. Moms and dads — but also stepmoms, stepdads 🌸 Our families are beautifully diverse 🩷

When we talk about breastfeeding, we often think of the unique bond between a mother and her baby. And while the milk may come from one body, the journey can absolutely be shared. Whether we’re talking about the father or the second parent, their role is just as important — and deserves to be seen and appreciated. So for Father’s Day, we’re shining a light on that precious presence — sometimes quiet, but always essential. (And no, it’s notjustabout fetching a glass of water or popping a pacifier back in at 3 a.m., promise.) 💛

Breastfeeding is natural… but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Between the soreness, the doubts, and the exhaustion, a partner’s support can makeallthe difference. A kind word, a gentle touch, a listening ear or a simple smile can feel like true energy boosts for a tired or discouraged mom. And let’s not forget the more hands-on help: setting up the nursing pillow, holding the baby after a feed, preparing meals, taking care of the rest of the family… In short, stepping in where it counts, exactly when it’s needed. 🤝

"“I feel useless” or “there’s nothing I can really do” — these are things we sometimes hear from second parents during breastfeeding. But they’re simply not true. Fathers have an active role to play too. They may not be feeding with their body, but they’re absolutely nurturing the bond with their baby: skin-to-skin cuddles, soothing cries, singing lullabies, giving baths, telling stories… All of these are powerful bonding moments.And beyond the baby, being there for the mom is already essential — because a supported parent means a calmer, happier baby!"

Understanding what a let-down reflex is, what comfort nursing looks like, or what a tongue tie is. It’s never “too much,” it’s just being involved. A dad who takes the time to learn is a dad who can advocate for his partner’s choices, help answer questions or handle unsolicited advice, and above all, be a strong ally through the toughest moments. And yes, a dad can be proud to have read up on breastfeeding, even without ever nursing a baby himself.

Paradoxically, breastfeeding can create more space for the second parent to find their own rhythm with the baby. While mom is nursing, dad might become the diaper-changing pro, the stroller expert, the bath-time star… creating his own set of rituals that help him become a soothing, familiar figure too.
Remember: a duo that complements each other, rather than a setup centered around one person, is what healthy, loving co-parenting looks like, even in the breastfeeding season.

We often picture breastfeeding as something solely carried out by the mother — but feeding a baby with breast milk can also happen in other ways: using a supplemental nursing system (SNS)or a bottle, thanks to pumping.*
(SNS = supplemental nursing system, a breastfeeding support device.)This allows the second parent to actively take part in feeding, especially if the mother has chosen to share or delegate certain feedings (for instance, during the night, for a moment of rest, when returning to work, or temporarily while recovering from a surgery).

Let’s not forget that not all breastfeeding is done at the breast, and that this choice, when informed, opens up a range of possibilities that offer beautiful moments of closeness between baby, mother, and the second parent.

There’s no such thing as a “small” role when it comes to parenting. There’s a world of actions that matter just as much as breastfeeding itself.
So to all the dads, co-parents, and silent allies — your presence matters. It has a real impact on the mother’s well-being, on how long breastfeeding continues, and on the overall balance of the family.

What truly matters is finding a balance — one that honors the baby’s needs, the mother’s recovery, and the second parent’s involvement.
So this Father’s Day, let’s say it loud and clear: you may not be nursing, but you’re giving everything else. And that, too, deserves a standing ovation. 👏

@tajinebanane
Written by Bertrand Lamy.